Her flesh is soft and warm, but I can feel the hard muscle under her skin flex and there’s very little fat. I keep sliding my hand up, enjoying the ...arm flesh until I reach the top of her skirt. No panties! I slide towards her crack and keep kissing her, again I am getting giddy with the smell of her perfume and just the anticipation of the rest of the night. I reach her crack and slide down a little . . . no panties, not even a g-string! ‘I took them off’ Trish giggles into my ear. ‘That’s why. A highly dysfunctional one to saythe least but a family of sorts. The Thursday afternoon of the secondweek when Jan came by with the paychecks and when there was one forElizabeth Blair I cried. I know they all thought I was just being crazybut it said so much to me. No this was not where I wanted to be in even6 months let alone the rest of my life. Still it showed me there was aplace in the world for Beth. It was in my mind a validation I was whereI belonged and I had a path ahead of me.I will. All of this has ledme to look back and try to put into words some of this.If you are looking for detailed descriptions of dressing, forcedfeminization, or orgy like sex scenes go elsewhere because you will notfind that here. Yes there may be references and perhaps a bit deeper butthat is not why I am writing this. Instead this is a journal of sortsput together from diaries I have kept over the years and is more aboutaddressing thoughts, emotions, and interactions as I found my way to me.I am. Because not only did I like girls, but I wanted to be like them. Werethose feelings contradictory? I didn't think so. Anyway, the point is,that even though I liked girls, I had never had a real girlfriend, andhad never even seriously thought about someone who could be mygirlfriend. And here was this pretty girl, older but not so much olderthat it was out of the question. And given what she had said earlier inthe day, it was possible that I had to re-think my assumption that shewould not be.
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